I have friends at work and they are the only "Friends" that I have, some know a little more about me while the others are just peers. This write up may not make sense to anyone if they were to read it, Its just a feeling that I am sharing..
I sometimes wonder what would I do with my free time and maybe could come up with a lot of Ideas... but i do not feel like doing that in the first place.. "Think".
The only other thing I can think of is spend time with my loved one... but that too is not possible for the simple fact that we still cannot be together... If i were to tell her that... there is practicality which I appreciate.. since she says there would be days where we would have to be away from each other. True in every sense and when I come to think of it... I used to think that way too.
That has put me in this dilemma that even though I want to spend time with someone, I am not able to.. Hmmmm... now either this has a simple solution or its really complex the way I am looking at it.
I really do nothing with the time I have... I Drink and smoke... and that usually helps me kill my time (Killing me softly too).
When I am sitting over a bottle of beer, thats the only company that I have... Just me and the bottle sit and stare at the world go by and not a word till we part is spoken. Its a feeling that I cannot explain in words, but maybe that has bought solitude so far..
Is this how my life will be and end? A Life of a loner with so many feelings deep within that will be never spoken of to anyone.. not even me?.. I sometimes ponder on such questions and then there is this fear that grips me... what if this is the life that's destined for me?
Come to think of it.. I am a Loner... a masked character who forgot to remove it after a masquerade.. Still walking the streets!!
I am not able to think of anything more to write at the moment.. so would end it here dear diary.. Until the next time when I have some answers to my own questions.
